Strong —> Weak

Strong Leading Man?So this is a thought that probably started about three months back or somewhere near that time anyway. I have been considering giving it some space here on the blog for a bit, but then the other night a good friend of mine, who shares such things as the occasional Cosmo article with me, sent me a thing about the four stages of “His” love (and I suppose for clarification that particular one comes from MSN). Anyway, as I read through the four stages I realized that it was not that far from what I was thinking about blogging about.

Specifically I was going to mention how a man probably starts out with a bit of flair and confidence. It follows this not absolutely true for all men and the next part is not true for all women, but for a good number of each of the sexes it is true. A fair number of women are attracted to the strong manly type. That strength can be physical, but what I am really talking about is that self-confidence type of strength – and not so far with that it becomes cocky. But just think about a Jane Austen leading man type for instance. And I think I can speak from experience and years ago I did not have that self-confidence. That was back when life sucked.

So far we are pretty much right on track with the four stages of his love as presented in the article. First stage he comes on as either trying stammering while trying to be confident or actually having that confidence and perhaps exaggerating a bit to make it even better.

In the second stage he is falling hard. According to the bit, he invites her into his world and looks deeply into her eyes. Both again, a move made with confidence – confidence that she will like what she sees and does in both of those situations. Especially the eyes, where the cliché of seeing into the soul (someone remind that there is another blog right there in that sentence sometime later on). There is also more intimate touching at this point, again in my thoughts it is just an embodiment of that confidence.

Next phase builds on that further. Now he is falling heading over heels for her. Sex becomes even more intense according to the article noted above. I personally am not sure these are actual stages so much as they are natural progressions in the same stage, but I don’t need to argue that point to get to the I am making – which really concerns itself with the next step.

In the fourth stage the man is ready to commit. He now starts asking her opinions about things and may even seem a bit withdrawn according to the article. I will add an addition. As the confident man starts to feel his willingness to commit, he also begins to realize what he has invested, especially emotionally, in the relationship. As that happens, he realizes how little it would take to lose that and moves, from giving off the aura of strength to being weak and fearful of what he will lose. Perhaps he even becomes a bit clingy.

And of course what so often happens is that the woman who has been attracted the stronger aura that was decisive is turned off by the weaker display. As she is turned off, this proves his fears and causes a vicious spiral to take effect most likely eventually leading to just the thing that he began fearing when he starting thinking commitment.

Okay I admit this is a bit of a different thing for me, but is something I have been meaning to write the general idea of for some time. It is also something that as I have looked back over more the a few relationships I have had in the past a pattern that I see. Anyway, we will give this a go and see how it works.

3 Replies to “Strong —> Weak”

  1. I think there is some truth to this….but instead of calling it being weak and fearful, I think it’s more about being vulnerable. There is a difference. And if all parties involved are aware of what’s going on, the woman can reassure the man and the man can back off and relax.
    When you speak of your relationship patterns, I can only wonder if you speak of something that hits closer to home. That wasn’t the case, you know. The issue was bigger and related to something very specific.

  2. Call me sappy and overly romantic but I think if a woman loses interest right at the “jumping off place” for real commitment, then it simply wasn’t meant to be. I think when it is, feelings, connectedness, ties, emotions- everything only intensifies and draws the destined lovers closer together and more deeply in love. (See? I warned you I was about to be sappy!)

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